A young Italian woman wrote me a wonderful letter. She titled it: “To sanctify my life to God” and I would like you to read it in order to edify your spiritual life. Here is the translation:
this week I had wonderful news! In spiritual direction, my director has joyfully welcomed my insistence in wanting to consecrate my life to God. He had recommended me some “time for a proper discernment”. In these three months I have not missed a day of going to Mass and to pray fervently to understand what the Lord wants from me, so I could accomplish His will in the best way. It is now clear to me the awareness of having to be all His.
Jesus seduced me with his extraordinary beauty, and with the words that He gives me every day through Holy Mass, He has conquered in Communion, took possession of my heart and my soul. Day after day he is courting me in a thousand ways. Sometimes takes over my human frailty and my boundless misery. He tests my loyalty, but Satan tries in every way to sow doubt in me. It happens especially during the Eucharistic adoration, the moment you look forward, as a fiancée who wants to run and keep from falling in love with him. He tries to destroy me with the suspicion that they are my wishes, that I'm too stupid and weak to join and consecrate my life to Jesus. But the good Lord knows our hearts and our fragility and He doesn’t make us do more than we are capable of.
With His grace, I'll get, stronger than before and even more convinced. So I understand that the test is a great grace that God gives us, because, clenching his hand and through His strength, we come out stronger than before. I fall in love with Him every day. In the morning I feel as close as only a lover can be. He fills me with attention during the day. His tenderness comes over me whenever I think of him and say his sweet name. So, you might be wondering what this “good news” is. I told the spiritual director that I cannot stay long in the world, so called for the establishment of the new congregation, we were talking about. And he said that before the summer they will start to build the church in the center of [...] and the monastery will be built close by there. The Heavenly Mother will let him know how this congregation will be. I'm so happy not to stay longer in my skin; literally, at times my soul seems to soar toward the heavenly homeland. At the moment no one knows my vocation, but the director and the friend I was telling you about, she has also received the call to consecrated life.
My mother is going to suspect something, but I have not said a single word on the subject. A few mornings ago, she wondered what these "secrets" were that I have with Father A., given that for three months we talked more often. She asked me if I wanted to become a nun, and I suggested to her that she asks God. She is doing the same journey of faith I am, with the difference that she has always been close to God and thanks to her prayers, God attracted me to him. She also always wanted a son, a priest, so I expected a very different reaction. She said that I should not become a nun (when people say "become a nun or a monk," they say it contemptuously), that I must have a family, who are not apt to live “shut in” and that we can love God even in this way. I waited until she went away, to hide tears. I didn’t say a single word to her about the issue, but now I am concerned for that day when I will talk about this to my parents. My friends certainly will laugh in my face and turn their backs; my relatives won’t understand and will tease me. Perhaps Jesus wants it. I am a very sensitive person and I hate in having to feel pain at every little foolishness, but with Jesus I am ready to face all the foes. If He wants me as his spouse, no one in the world can oppose His will.
For me and this project of life, I ask you for lots of prayers. I will return it certainly.
Best wishes in Jesus and Mary